Its the place where almost everyone becomes them-self by expresing each other through music. When ever i go in to the band room, the first thing that comes to mind is the smell of socks and feet in the shoe room because its the first room you go through before you enter the band room. As you enter the bandroom the feeling is the blast of air condition impact your face and then the loud sound of other students expresing themselves through their instruments!! I run all the way to my corner where i practice and basicly become the person who i really am
when i was in middle school, i usually went to the band room to just turn things in, check my grade, the usual stuff you would do for pretty much all your classes, and all we would really just do is do what the teacher says for us to do:"TURN TO PAGE 29 LESSON 2","CLAP THE RYTHM","TAP YOUR FEET", the usual.
i remembered a lecture our teacher told the whole class. it went something like this:" music isnt noise, its something that creates feelings/emotions in not only you, but in the audience. when you play music with feeling, you can really reach out into the audience and touch their hearts creating emotions in them without contact." it went something like that, but what he said was really true, it does reach out and touches peoples hearts and creates emotions in others.
it was a wednesday and my parents had to pick me up late, so i ended up staying in the band room for a while after school. as i stayed, the people i knew on the outside of the band room were totally different people inside. they were acting very different and i could never really see them the same way ever. i myself also started to notice some changes in the way i acted too.
i then realized that the band room is not just a place to practice and get an easy A, it was a place where not only me but others come to to express their thoughts, their feelings, to just enjoy themselves after a hard day of work. it was a place, a home for everyone in the music program that everyone was welcome to...
Okayy finally Josh (x
ReplyDeleteFirst things first, I liked the detail about the smell of feet and shoes and everything. That's when I felt like I (the reader) was there, meaning that was good sensory detail. And I REALLY liked your whole part talking about how people outside of the band-room were totally different inside. That's nice, because it shows just how much this little band room means to you and others. Keep talking about how the band room let's you express yourself, because that's good. As usual, just fix some grammar errors. You didn't capitalize a *single* letter that started off a sentence, lol >< Fix your ending sentence. Don't end with "..." cause I feel like it then lost all the meaning that it had before. Also, talk more about what the band room looks like, cause right now I don't have a clear picture in my head. Ouh, and in the first paragraph don't say "the feeling is..." because that's not a very good line to use because it just tells the reader straight out and it can get sort of boring. Talk about what you feel without being so obvious about it. But you're actually on the right track, just make sure you forcus a little more on sensory details ^w^
Good sensory such as: "the blast of air condition impact your face and then the loud sound of other students expressing them selves through their instruments!" Capitalize the letters that start off a sentence and all your "I"s. Make it more clear of how this band room has shaped you. Add more of how this place looks like, and add a little more detail.
ReplyDelete